Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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