i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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