you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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