Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
