So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
