i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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