Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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