i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
