birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
