Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
