He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
