Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
