i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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