Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
