Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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