woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
