Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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