yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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