Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
