Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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