I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
