I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
