listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
