Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
