I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
