trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
