So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
