Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
