You're so nebulous sometimes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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