shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
