Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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