Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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