oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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