"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
