god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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