What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
