The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
