Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
