I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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