I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
