foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
