I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
