Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
