Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
