His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
