she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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