My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
