Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
