I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
