I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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