just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
