At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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